Monday, May 30, 2005

united colors of benetton *esem esem

kahit siguro magkapatid pwede maging "strangers" sa isat isa
may mga magkaibigan naman na halos dikit na ang pusod nila sa samahan

Minsan sa ikot ng mundi ikaw ay mag-isa
Pala isa nga ako.. ang mas nakakalungkot e hindi naman ako only child
Pero mag-isa lang ako nakatayo

Hindi kami magkasundo ng kapatid ko
kahit anung lambing at pakyut ang gawin ko
kelangan ko na matuto magdrive
magastos magtaxi
kelangan ko na matuto lumanggoy
Pangarap ko yun
to swim with the dolphins (sarap.. kelangan magipon)

Nakakainggit naman ang marunong mag french
pero teka saan ko naman gagamitin yun
saka na pag may boypren na akong frances

Nakakaingit naman muay tai
wala naman akong oras
tsaka tamad ako
not unless gwapo instructor
hehehe

kelan kaya sale ulit sa glorietta
gusto ko talaga yung stuff toy ng gift factory na baka
ang kyutt.. reminds me of my childhood
may alaga kz kaming baka dati..
P150 lang.. mura kazo isipin ko na lang kelangan
magtipid para yumaman

kelangan ko makaisip ng money making scheme
gusto ko na magka-pera
ma text nga si enrique
kaso mahina loob ko mag-invest

oo nga pala.. kelangan ko na magbasa
lumulutang na utak ko sa gaan
at para matupad na rin pangarap ko
na magabroad at maglakbay

marami pa akong gusto gawin
sana lang wag ako mamatay
sa sorethroat o sa RHD
o dahil sa heart murmur

sana makapagsilbi ako sa
St. Lukes, PGH, Ziga hospital at WHO
pwede na.. accomplish nurse na ako nun pag naabot ko ang WHO
mapadala sa war and hunger strikken country
to see the world in the eyes of God
to be humble beyond material things
and to see what really matters in the world
like love, equality, hope and peace

Sunday, May 29, 2005

prison break *forgiveness 2

i rode on a taxi.. the driver told me his sad story
his father left him and his sibling
had another family
his father and stepmother put him in jail
for an alleged crime (bintang)
case
he was hold for 5 months
when his father got sick he took care of him.

wish i could say the same..
mas mabilis sabihin mahirap gawin

how do u heal a broken heart?
time, patience, love, faith, God..
how do you move on?
if ur taking the road.. u just have to keep walking and have faith ul get there..
how do you look past?
never look back.. maybe not never but dont.. look forward and let go.. fly.. jump.. release.. breathe.. had the dump yet? :)
how do you restore?
if its in the computer.. always get the a backup, save important files.. if their corrupted. start agen from scratch..

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

friends prens- * Halo-Halo special

You can always tell a real friend; when u've , made a fool of yourself he doesn't feel u've done a permanent job.-Lawrence J. Peter

I've enjoyed a friendship with a 30 yr old classmate of mine. Married with 3 lovely kids. She is strong and organize but as with any human she is also loud and makes fun of people at their own expense. Being her friend is like being a mascot in her circle. anyway I always thought of her as a mother, mothers are suppose to be like that right.. Well one day, with my batteries low (under stress). I couldn't take the punches anymore as they kept coming with great consistency before I could recover. I told them stop that I was getting annoyed. Then one day she stopped being my friend. I was kind of worried on how to end it myself because i adopted her 3 kids as my godchildren.. well what are u going to do, ur happy anymore and thats not the kind of company i want to be and grow on. cheers to the loners again till God finds me a batch to hang out with.

A great and lasting friendship is like the world's ocean-within its waters lies constancy, within its rhythms lies vitality, and within its depths lies truth.-M. Repeaux

Self-reverence, self-knowledge, self-control, these 3 alone lead life to sovereign power.-Tennyson A friend makes ur laughter heartier, ur cares lesser, and ur joy deeper.-C. Ambrose

a little faith will bring your soul to heaven, but a lot of faith will bring heaven to ur soul.-Dwight L. Moody

forgiveness

i once said that i have a cold heart and that its hard as stone.. I am like that with my dad. I have said that i have forgiven him.. but every time i hear his voice, his voice echoes past hurt and it builds a fortress brick by brick almost instantly. It's not conditioning, its more like a defense mechanism that u've been hurt many times by this man.

I still carry this hate, this sarcasm.. is it a sin to distinguish filth? lies? deceit? those are the evils of the world.. is it wrong to hate it.

My father never really found redemption, he ask for forgiveness but never walked away from his mistakes. He plays it over and over again and uses other people in his gain. He is manipulative.

Advice to the liars: If ur going to lie at least be smart about it.. Cover ur tracks.. What they don't know wont hurt them right?.. Well but it will hurt u. because once u've told many lies, u wont know where the truth begins. U'll drown urself in many stories, it's like quick sand it will eat u alive. I'd like to say see u at the crack house (asylum) but hey i'm not going to work there. But i am going to say that here in the philippines they very much advocate the ECT (Electro convulsive therapy) and in the NCMH they give it to u without anesthesia. ok i'm scaring u.. they say u don't feel any pain after the treatment because u wont remember it.

Sunday, May 22, 2005

soldiers

They are a rare breed.. through ages among nations they are the ones who bleed to protect the people. They come as knights, samurai, warriors, army.. We went to v-luna a military hospital. So these are the men who bleed for us.. what can i do for them? a. donate blood b. donate blood c. choose your leaders well so they wont go to battle for no reason. These people live and breathe discipline to follow orders. Their duties is to serve and protect.. It is very honorable.. They are also human.. With families to feed. they bleed, they fight and they die.

They are in various places and fronts.. would u trade places to be in their post? It took a lot of rigid trainining to be at there shoes.. that alone is a star on their uniform. what can we do to make life better for them, what can we do to serve them.. Vote wisely, choose people who can lead and have a good programs for them. Don't get me started with health care.. First and foremost I think our country has to fix that first, To have healthy people equates to a productive community.

To see the world in a nurses eye.. To serve as any profession or vocation, who can really see and hear the cries of the people.

a lot like love..

love sucks.. sometimes..

I use to be a trekkie.. I start my day at 12am watching voyager.. I was impressed by seven of nine. she's incredibly smart and logical and secondly she was gorgeous.. she is a cyborg, half human half machine in search for her humanity. Emotions and interacting with people was a challenge for her.. she puts logic first before anything else. such a design for me was infalliable, because openning yourself up leads to vunerabilities. but it is also in being human that u experience the beauty of humanity like compassion, love, bitterness, anger like yin and yang both good and bad.

how many times have u been in love?
what kind? for real?... the unforgetable and the cut like a knife wound.. twice.. I can never forget the people I loved but never chose to love me back. well.. a tragedy is always classic. hey that's what made shakesphere famous.. The first one was; i thought i was in love because he embodied a lot of things a like in a man. He is well read, he loves animals, he has nice teeth and he is attractive. He is a good man, noble, pure and honest. He was a year younger than I. lesson: Never fall too fast, too soon..The second one was; He was shy, mysterious, a man of few words, attractive and a good friend. He never really openned up to me. I never had his heart. lesson: A deal is a deal. Love cannot be found where it does not truly exist nor can it be hindden where it truly does.

ex'es are like families.. u kinda feel like ur related to them by history. I had two boyfriends.. We have seperate lives now and we still remain friends. Care will always be there.. Love is in a different level..

My advice: Never collect boyfriends.. They come with emotional baggage and craps thats hard to get rid off. Having a boyfriend, being in love is a constant high but as with any drugs they come with side effects that the lows are really low.

the perfect man

Does perfection really exist?
A circle is perfect.. There is no beginning, there is no end..
But still it is bonded.. Maybe what makes things perfect are its imperfections..

What are your preferences?
Mine is somebody who could walk beside me..
not in front or behind..
somebody who looks in the same direction..

I have nothing except my thoughts, my heart and my soul. We lived each day on borrowed breaths..

Thursday, May 19, 2005

quotes

Love, Friendship and Body Image

Imperfections make someone perfect to me. ~Fred Durst

To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance. ~Oscar Wilde

Love is a choice, just that sometimes that person does not choose us back.~ Yen

You never really get over, you just get used to. ~ Andy

You are an extraordinary person in a modest wrapping. ~ Andy

Pagdinibdib mo mabilis na lang yun. ~ IƱigo

The thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never any good to oneself. ~Oscar Wilde

The greatest prayer is patience. ~Guatama Buddha

What do we live for if it is not to make life less difficult for one another? ~George Elliot

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't. ~Erica Jong

Don't lead me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Walk beside me and be my friend. ~Anonymous

When in doubt, tell the truth. ~Mark Twain

I don't care what anybody says about me as long as it isn't true. ~Truman Capote

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. ~Phyllis Diller

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. ~Eleanor Roosevelt

We all live with the objective of being happy. Our lives are all different and yet the same. ~Anne Frank

Children's talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives. ~Maya Angelou

I gave up trying to control my image a long time ago. ~Eddie Veder


Religious Beliefs and Philosophy

Doubt is part of all religion. All the religious thinkers were doubters. ~Isaac Bashevis Singer

There are many paths to enlightenment. Be sure to take the one with heart. ~Lao Tzu

Man's love of God is identical to that of his knowledge of him. ~Maimonides

Men cling to the opinions of habit. ~Maimonides(again)

Where desire is there is no bliss; where bliss is there is no desire. ~Sivinanda

Don't doubt in the darkness, what you knew to be true in the light. ~Alene Hawkins

Do you have faith in God above, if the Bible tells you so? ~Don McLean

Give thanks and praise the Lord and I will feel all right. ~Bob Marley

As long as there is life there is hope. ~The Talmud

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take our breath away." -email

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

inSanity..

I've been to 2 mental asylum.. not as a patient but as an observer and a nursing student. Metro Psyche and NCMH (National Center for Mental Health).. Facilities ofcourse are very different as they are private and public institution respectively.

It is true.. No wonder people thought in the old days that these people are possessed because it seemed that they are.. Some have delusions and hallucinations both visual and auditory. It's scary, imagine being in the screen of your worst nightmare.. There is no waking up but a constant dream, taking reality by throat is like grasping water and sand.

A fate worst than death? our brothers and sisters still live like these.. and they deserve more than our pitty and our thoughts. More than our prayers, it is our time. That for a few second admist the demons that clouds their judgement they may see light in your eyes.

What i've learned: I'm thankful for my sanity, that is my greatest treasure.. People take for granted the simple things in life that are most important and vital. From the beating of the heart and everything to the good circulation of blood in the body.

To be sane is to laugh at yourself once in a while, be silly and never be too serious. In every strom there is a rainbow and when you've hit rock bottom there is no way to go but up.

Pray for the people who can't help themselves.. Prayers does touch lives one way or the other. He is the pillar of strenght. The opium of the people. It's nice to be high..

God unites the people and represents all the good virtues of humanity.. He is the santa clause of the adults. He is a philosophy.. He is a lifestyle.. Even for my mental patient he is the voice of reason and his strenght.

irp..

do u know where ur heart is?
It is at the your mid left clavicular line, 4th to 5th intercostal space. just below the left nipple.

What advice do i have for the boys.. never trust women with exceptions..

It matters not where or when we are born, it is up to us to rise up to the challenge and make things better. The challenge to live than merely to exist. It matters not the lenght of years lived but the context of your life.

Live in reality but play in people's fantasy.. Inspire.. Create.. Love..

Live best you know how.. whatever virtue it is..

Faith and religion lies within your heart and mind. Within yourself..

Where is the gateway to your soul?.. Your conscience..

Answers come in the tranquil mind..

Live in the moment.. Plan for the Future.. Travel.. See the world...

In religion.. the Philosophers stand point is there is no absolute truth.. There are many truths (it changes through time and it is in the eye of the beholder) truth can be manipulated but the facts remains the same. Truth lies in all of us and it is up to us to seek it.

Wednesday, May 11, 2005

My mother

My mother is the strongest and bravest person i know.. She carried the world on her shoulder and drawn strenght out of tears. She never gave up and always had hope. What made her get through is the thought that she still has 3 mouths to feed and she has to prove them wrong.

My mother is human, falliable and with faults. She is vunerable and fragile.. She is also beautiful, forgiving and kind. She is a good wife, good cook and housekeeper. She always made sure our plates was full. Ensured our education foremost. She is annoying at times but she is my strenght. She feeds my body and mind. She carried me through 8 and a half months. I'm a C-section baby. She never gets the proper credit she deserves and I don't tell her enough how much she's worth.

I heard this line that "it's hard raising parents.." Well i sure am glad that its her and wont trade her.. She has a loud mouth but admist that nagging is a kind heart. A soft heart who doesnt keep record of wrongs nor take avenge herself from those who be little her.

She is a brave brave girl.. A survivor of such tragedy.. Her strenght will always be within.. And anyone who beats her up when she's down deserves a black eye.

Monday, May 09, 2005

White Cross

There is an orphanage in san juan called white cross. Their facilities are impressive and the children's basic needs are met. Our exposure was only for 5 days but I could say it played a note in my heart. It openned it to emotions of parenthood of being a sister and plain being human. It shed lights of hope that People take care of one another and we are responsible for each other.

Some of these children are abandoned in trash cans, in the sand, near a sampaloc tree. Those who are adopted abroad live all around the world from europe to the states. I'm just glad that there are institutions like this to take care of these children and proclaim their basic rights as children and as human beings.

My prayers will be with them always..

There is this twin boys, they're cute.. Because they are twins that they are conceived as pairs and also because the bond as brothers between them are so aparent and strong. Little children are miracles, their smile are healing and their laughter fills my soul.

These children still longs for hugs and love from their parents. They also greeted us with warm embrace and sunny smile.. A little girl named macy struck me. Her smile is brilliant and she always seems oi be covered in a cloud of aura thats quite charming. She is an angel and a treasure. Being with her only affirms that I want to be a mother one day. I want to adapt in case I dont get married.. For all the roads that life leads us, I dont know where it will lead me. But I do hope I get the chance to experience being a mom. Wag naman sa edad na sobrang bata, wala ako papakain. Wag din sobrang tanda, bka hindi na ako makatakbo at makarelate e baka mas bulol pa ako nun sa anak ko e. hehehhe