no sparks

Boni: Fallin in love with a person is often a combination of many aspects of a person. Sometimes we can take a compromise of the things that he may not have cause he has so much to offer on one side. But if hindi talaga makaya sa laki ng imbalance, be brave to tell him that you may as well just be friends. Ganyan talaga buhay ng babae. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be nice.

Meki: If that spark is really important to you then you should never give up the search. Because in a case like that, its better to keep trying than to settle for anything less. That way, worst case scenario, incase you don't find it at least you know you didn't give up on that belief. That seemingly fairy tale belief which makes our lives worth living. And believe me, its a lot better than spending the rest of your life wondering what might have been.

Yen: No one is perfect.. And if we keep trying to find that wala talaga. I agree with Boni.. that there should be that middle ground. But I also believe in magic, that it should be natural. and love is magical.. I cant live in a fairy tale.. And my prince might not be charming.. I just want to ride the wave of time and let nature be.

"Love cannot be found where it does not truly exist, nor can it be hidden where ti truly does."-kissing a fool

Angel of death

What’s the point of living forever? The candy coated story of without the end there is no beginning... the circle of life. Everybody’s changing nothing stays the same. We decay and just imagine us not dying. There is no point in striving for something when there is no dead line. How can one appreciate time when one has no watch?

And the point is today. To live each breath, each heartbeat, each step... a day closer to death. Now don’t you appreciate life more knowing there is an end.

When you see someone suffer... Struggling to survive... that’s when you appreciate death.

Que Neng Long To Chio Thaw

Literally in Chinese that means the egg hitting a rock
Can be compared to an ordinary person crossing path with a politician

You have to weigh the odds
You cannot play your cards on bluff alone
When the other player knows you have nothing to gamble on

Better yet postpone your battle..
Use the 48 laws
All you really have is your head.. your self..

Use your weakness as your strength
Submit yourself
Those you submit are the ones who are in power

I know the word prides runs deep in the veins
We still have so much to prove..
For now we really are in owe

commute life

Candy Gun

Ridding the jeep..
Saw a little girl on the jeep eating a candy gun
Its one of those candy that comes in violet fluid form
It’s contained in a gun shaped container designed with a trigger to release the juice
It’s a horrifying sight
When a five year old puts a mini gun in her mouth and pulls the trigger
Like committing suicide.. And I use to wonder how people come up with putting a gun in the mouth
What even more disturbing is the father patronizing the daughter
And he himself takes a shot at it..
I don’t know if I am over reacting…
Being assign in the ER and having a case of a gun shot wound suicide
It’s sad.. Taking your own life and being hopeless
A bullet in the head what chances are there
A bullet shot through the mouth hitting the basal ganglia stops breathing and heart beat
Automically dead


Subway Story

Ridding the LRT..
A man in his 50s offered me a seat
Accessorized in a beige jacket, glasses and an expensive watch
Beside him is a woman.. half his age or maybe a 15 year gap
Plays a charade a stories (well at least in my impression)
Being a doctor, coming from the states, a baguio native and touring manila

The silver haired man reminded me of boy
He probably played those charades
I will never look at him the same

Can you love somebody without respect?
If it goes out the window can it come back..
Can time really heal those wounds..
There are no wounds but scars.. in many cases
Keloids is an overgrowth of scar tissue
Thinner than skin, easily injured by minor trauma (cuts)

cap is your passport

We are doing our thesis on motivations of nurses to go abroad
Siyempre.. leading yung economic (financial) and political factor

Kahit daw 30,000 salary of a nurse.. yun would be suffice to make them stay
Teka sweldo nay un ng doctor ah
San naman kukuha ng ganung halaga ang ospital
Unang una.. Hindi ka pwede mag cut off ng nurses and expect the same quality care
Imagine 1 nurse is to 50 patients sa public hospital setting yan
Sa private mga 1 nurse : 6 patients
Hindi mo rin pwede pasarin sa mga pasyente ang papasahod mo.. Masyado naman ito mabigat

Bottom line.. Nursing is a vocation.
Tuald ng guro, hindi naman talaga mataas ang sahod
Primary care muna bago sahod
Serbisyo muna bago bulsa
Yung mga tumatagal dito sa Pinas
Sila talaga ang bayani.. hindi yung mga umaalis.

I have nothing against those leaving..
With the hard life now.. siyempre naman they are searching for milk and honey.
Lahat naman tayo may pangarap.. At may kasama sa pangarap.
Na minsan gusto mo rin naman matikman ang mansanas
Maahon ang buhay sa putik at maglaro sa snow.

My Brothers

I love them because I know no other way how..

I was going to write about last night.. but whats the point in dictating sceneries of the past.. that wont quite give justice.. to any story.. a detailed event without morals in the end.

Last night.. is a night of a well lubricated eyes.. waterworks.. I was damned in a whirlpool of words.. and my brother Paolo defended me. It was a time where I cant not defend myself, and I just kept crying.. Mababaw pa rin luha ko kung paguusapan ito ngayon. Kasi for my brother to talk to me like that.. any one of them really brings pain to my heart. I really don’t give a damn what other people think, I can live with that. But I never want to lose my brother’s love and respect. They are the two people I cannot live without.

What can you really expect from a family that has stubbornness as their middle name.. There are a lot of views to looks at the story.. lahat naman may mali.. Ako ata bida pag kwento ko... Si Bjorn nagsimula.. I tried talking to him.. and couldn’t get through.. his heart was as stubborn as a rock. Dumating si Paolo, sinapak niya si bjorn ng maraming beses. It was like watching a movie.. parang rewind-replay sapakan. Lumaki ang gulo when bjorn called mom… After 2 hours which seemed like 20 minutes..everything simmered down, si bjorn naman umayos lahat. Pagpasok ko sa kwarto tatlo na kaming umiiyak. Ang hirit ni bjorn “Para tayong tatlong baboy na umiiyak.”.. Sabi ko naman “ikaw lang yung mataba”. Bjorn put his arms over my shoulder and said he was sorry, sabi niya mali daw approach niya and ayaw lang niya ako masaktan.

Why I love my bother?

For Paolo.. I loved you when you and I lived together in college.. When the world crumbled on our shoulders and all we had was each other. I love you.. because you always hear my silly stories. You’ve seen me cry and you’ve made me smile. You always put an optimistic light on unfortunate events. Dati ka bang guard? Lagi ka may flash light :) . You are somebody who loves me.. and I feel it. You validate me and I look up to you.

I know I’ve always make you cry when we were kids, you always push my buttons kasi. And you still can today.. You are snobby and moody..

We don’t have a sunny side up family.. Hindi tayo kamaganak ng mga care bears at nina rainbow bright.. Hindi naman adams family.. Pwede pa one tree hill o OC. But one thing I like about us.. is that we have each other.

For Bjorn.. He is temperamental.. I think he got it from mom. But he is the family man sa amin. Father figure.. And I’m not just talking about the tummy. He makes sure all is well in the family. He is really stubborn with a marshmallow heart. He is not affectionate and showy. I know he loves me when he bosses me around and I let him because he fetches me kasi from QC pa. I know he loves me kasi.. I don’t know I just do.. He brings food when I’m hungry. He gives me a pillow when I sleep. He cried with me last night parang FPJ pa ang linya. Teka which reminds me.. parang FPJ at erap nga fight scene kagabi.

When you love someone you always love them.. There is a loud resonance in beating.. They become a part of your life as well as a piece of you.

Parang bitin ang kwento.. kasi all I wrote about was what mattered to me.. I t wasn’t fight night.. drama cinerama.. It was ending a day.. Settled difference, sleeping all together in one room.